Keeping on

Day turning into weeks turning into years. It's all going by so very fast. My self care has been slipping and I can feel it. I need a break so badly. I'm just maxed out. Tired run down. Worn out. All of that. I'm taking a few days for myself next week. I will of course still be weaving but thankfully that still doesn't feel like work. My body hasn't been cooperating with me and I'm pretty sure it's just screaming out for a break. My left hand and arm are numb and Pain and numbness are plaguing other parts of my body. The heat is not my friend so I'm a hermit on my days off. I'm mourning not being able to get out to enjoy more of the summer with my kids. I miss them so much when school is on but when we're home together I have so many things I feel need to be done. It's hard. Balance is hard. I've been working 2 jobs for 2 years so it's not really surprising that I'm beginning to hit the end of my stamina. I feel like Vancouver is really holding us back as the cost of living is so high that we can't really afford to live here and enjoy things like home ownership and vacations.

I had yet another conversation about living in the present and living just for today and I'm sure as fuck not there right now. I have been at other points but somehow I lost it. So I'm renewing my commitment to live without regrets. I'm going to finally get my 'faith not fear' tattoo and I'm going to take time when I need it. I'm going to try to practise living in faith and talking to my higher power so that I can let go of some of the worry and anxiety I've been carrying with me everyday. I have a lot of fears that have been slowly eating at me so I'm going to work on releasing them and starting over.

I really hope that by writing this down here publicly I will remember that this is important and will hold myself accountable. Time will tell.
M

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