Here we go again?

So I emailed my neurologist about all my new symptoms and the fact that I'm still struggling. First can we please take a moment to celebrate that she emails!! So freaking helpful! Anyways, I told her my symptoms and she thinks I'm having another relapse! Ugg she also said if it's just numbness than we won't try more steroids. It's more than numbness and I'm struggling (this is not something I say except when I'm really really struggling). Anyways, I tried to make that clearer on my reply email but she's going to try to see me at the UBC clinic on Monday. Fingers crossed that I can get an appointment and get some help.

Now to obsessively think about why the hell I could be. having 2 relapses so close together and what the fuck in going to do if this is the beginning of my decline already! I've been counting on being healthyish until my late 40's at least so this could seriously throw a wrench into those plans! This is one of the hardest parts of this stupid illness. If it gave me a schedule I could plan things but instead it's always a surprise attack! I've got way too many things to do still and my kids are way too damned little. If this were to be it for me they'd never remember me as energetic and maybe I wouldn't seem fun anymore? That would be awful. I rarely wallow but man this kind of situation really makes it hard to stay positive. Yeah yeah I'll be back to it soon enough but this is my safe space to complain about this crap!

If anyone knows of a wealthy benefactor please give them my name because I'm in the market! Lol
~M